24 Days of Martin – Day 23: Festivus for the Rest of Us

Happy Holidays & Season’s Greetings!
How our Family Celebrates Festivus, by Martin’s Mom

Not everyone has family to spend time with during the holidays. Loved ones may have passed, traveling might not be possible, health struggles can arise, estranged family members may be a reality, work commitments can interfere, or some may simply choose a quieter season.

One of the best things about the holidays, though, is that family doesn’t have to mean relatives; it can mean friends—people you choose to spend your time with. Easter has “Freaster,” and Thanksgiving has “Friendsgiving.” Christmas has “Friendmas” and numerous ways to celebrate:

• Gingerbread Decorating Parties
• Ugly Sweater Parties
• Cookie Exchanges
• Gift Swaps
• Christmas PJ Parties
• White Christmas/Winter Wonderland (all-white clothing and decorations)
• Christmas Karaoke
• Global Christmas Potluck
• DIY Ornament Parties
• Christmas Movie Marathons

Our favorite way to celebrate Christmas with friends is Festivus, or “Festivus for the Rest of Us,” as we call it. This year, Martin was finally old enough to join us, and he invited two of his friends, Otto and Mags, to attend as well.

Festivus had been around for more than thirty years before it was introduced to the world on December 18, 1997, in Season 9, Episode 10 of Seinfeld. Dan O’Keefe was a writer for Seinfeld. Dan’s father, Daniel, invented the holiday in 1966 to celebrate the anniversary of his first date with his wife. Festivus was renamed “Festivus for the Rest of Us” after Dan’s mother passed away in 1976, with “The Rest of Us” referring to the living left behind. Dan did not want to include Festivus on Seinfeld because he didn’t think it would appeal to TV audiences, but his brother told the other writers about it, and they insisted it be included. While the original O’Keefe Festivus could be held on any day in December, it is now officially celebrated on December 23 and has its own unique traditions.

The original O’Keefe decorations were weird things pinned to the walls, along with a clock in a bag. Elder O’Keefe would never reveal to his family what this meant, telling them, “That’s not for you to know,” but the clock in a bag was considered a family-only protest against the commercialism of Christmas.

Seinfeld replaced the clock in a bag with a plain aluminum pole with no decorations, also known as the Festivus Pole. The pole must have a “very high strength-to-weight” ratio. Martin’s Dad “planted” their Festivus Pole into a large potted Norway Spruce used every year as the family Christmas tree. The pole replaces the Christmas tree (or lives beside it at Martin’s house) and is NOT decorated because, in the Seinfeld episode, Frank finds tinsel “distracting.” In real life, tinsel is also dangerous to pets if they eat it. Martin’s Festivus Pole stays in the Norway Spruce pot all year long as their own nod to the over-commercialism of Christmas.

The first activity of Festivus is dinner. Dinner is meatloaf served on a bed of lettuce. An early debate about the official dinner suggested the main food was spaghetti, so Martin’s Mom makes both. There are no side dishes. The O’Keefe family would have a cake decorated with M&Ms, while Martin’s family shares a Pepperidge Farm Vanilla Coconut cake.

After dinner, and while dessert is being served and eaten (at least in Martin’s house), is the “Airing of Grievances.” This is when each person at the table gets to speak about anything that has bothered them in the past year. Martin’s family has a miniature Festivus Pole they use to pass around the table; whoever has the pole has the right to speak uninterrupted until they pass it on (or until ten minutes have passed). Recent grievances in Martin’s home have been: planted seedlings being mistaken for weeds and pulled out; missing snacks in the kitchen; and a broken zipper on a jacket after it was returned from being worn by someone else. In Martin’s home, once a grievance has been aired, it cannot be repeated, and it “dies at the table.”

Once dessert is cleared and the grievances have been completed, it is time for Feats of Strength. Dad challenges everyone to a wrestling match and continues until he is pinned. In Martin’s house, once the adults air their grievances about current and political events, the grievances become amusing and downright silly as the miniature pole moves around the table. The laughing and merriment mean the Airing of Grievances takes so long that there is no time left for the Feats of Strength, though one year, there was some very intense arm wrestling.